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Those were some pretty lofty promises you made at the altar today. Have you told her all the sweet things you used to whisper in my ear?

The physical intimacy of those junior high relationships had nothing to do with love or real affection. In high school, I got serious about my walk with God and became actively involved in the church youth group.

Even in church we played the dating game with passion—more passion, I regret to say, than we gave to worshiping or listening to sermons. But, like many high school relationships, our romance was premature—too much, too soon.

During Sunday morning services we passed notes about who liked whom, who was going out with whom, and who had broken up with whom. We began to struggle with the physical side of our relationship.

In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris exposes the "Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating" and offers a realistic outline of how to have a biblical vision of marriage.

I was primarily interested in what I could get, such as the popularity a girlfriend could give me or the comfort and pleasure I could gain physically or emotionally from a relationship. I lived "dumb love"—choosing what felt good for me instead of what was good for others and what pleased God.

A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. One girl I knew had the fastest breakup routine ever: When she was ready to end a relationship, she'd say, "Skippy-bop, you just got dropped." But soon, just saying you were going out with someone wasn't enough.

Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Instead, we began experimenting with the physical side of relationships.

Wednesday night youth group meetings served as our own opportunities to play "Love Connection," a game that resulted in broken hearts littering the foyer. Since I was the only one in the youth group who had the nerve to talk to her, she wound up liking me. After my folks were asleep, Kelly and I would spend hours on the phone, often late into the night, talking about everything and nothing in particular. We knew we couldn't be as close physically as we were emotionally. "No, it's over." We broke up two years after we'd met. Something Better I was seventeen years old when my relationship with Kelly ended. " God answered that plea, but not in the way I had expected.

In my sophomore year, my involvement in the dating game took a more serious turn. She was beautiful, blonde, and two inches taller than I. I asked her to be my girlfriend on the youth group's water ski retreat. Everyone in our youth group recognized us as a couple. As a result, we experienced ongoing tension, and it wore on us. "We have to break up," I said to her one night after a movie. "Is there any chance we can have something in the future? My dreams of romance had ended in compromise, bitterness, and regret. " I felt discouraged, confused, and desperate for an alternative to the cycle of short-term relationships in which I found myself. I thought He'd bring me the ideal girlfriend or totally remove my desire for romance.




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