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Building a new relationship is a whole lot harder than maintaining an existing one.

The easiest one to weather is the temporary shift – if you're committed to the relationship, you just have to figure out a way to survive six difficult months. You can ease a lot of long-term discomfort and confusion by defining your expectations in advance.

If you owe child support, YOU PAY IT–not your spouse. There is absolutely no reason for either of the Affair Partners to email, chat, text or call each other. There can always be an intermediary, and that can be anyone: the Loyal Spouse, a pastor or mentor, a mutual friend, a parent, an attorney, or a day-care person. There is no reason why the child could not be left at an intermediary or neutral place, and this works better as the child gets older. In the event of an actual emergency, I suggest that the Loyal and Disloyal Spouses just have a Mutual Agreement about how to handle it.

The Affair Partner can send any communication to the intermediary, and the intermediary can get the message to the Disloyal Spouse. For example, the “mom” leaves the baby at day care on Wednesday morning and goes to her work…the “dad” picks up the baby at day care Wednesday night on his way home from work. If you have a reasonable Other Person, if the affair was literally years ago, and if everyone is out of each others’ lives and pretty respectful, it’s conceivable the Loyal may be okay with the Disloyal getting true emergency contact.

Those of us who've tried can all attest: it's haaaaaard.

So rarely does one cliche so succinctly sum up something.

Or are you just trying to maintain the relationship as it stands now, perhaps in a different place?

I think when there is no child conceived, people generally understand why and how to do this. BUT that is also one of the reasons why affairs are so destructive and the damage is so devastating–because the Disloyal puts the Loyal into the position of having an STD or a child that will be a constant reminder for life!

There are different kinds of relationships across the miles and they require different things. Wonderful at your friend's wedding in Wisconsin – and you live in Biloxi. Wonderful you've been dating for five months in Biloxi gets sent to Chicago for a six-month assignment.

Or, worse yet, his dream job moves there permanently and you don't want to choose between your own dream job (still in Biloxi) and your dreamy boyfriend. You and Wedding Wonderboy are getting to know one another across the miles, while the relocations take away a known quantity.

Here’s the question: The first thing I want you to do is to take a look at that picture at the top of this post.

Can you tell by looking at that picture if that child was conceived in love? It is a human being whom God did not just “allow” to come into this world–He was actively involved in the conception and creating of life–even if the coming together of the sperm and the egg was through sinful circumstances.




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Rebecca was a supernatural clone, created by Kevin Drew.


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It’s very obvious when we do this and kids read that stuff immediately.


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He was an avid collector, but he also funded the research and development to create a local porcelain industry, setting up his ceramic works in Meissen.